User:EpicFantasyStory
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"Epic's novel is going to be better than anything I ever wrote in my life, which is pretty compelling when you consider that I'm one of the greatest writers ever. What's more, Oprah recommended it. So don't delay! Buy it now! Buy it twice! Buy it if and when he gets off his lazy ass and finishes the stupid thing. Did I say stupid? I meant awesome... wickedly, stupidly awesome. Buy The Epic Fantasy Story as soon as it's available. I swear, it's going to be incredible."
~ Charles Dickens on The Epic Fantasy Story
Contents |
[edit] Life
EpicFantasyStory was born in 1923 and allegedly died in 1972. Exactly what occurred between these two dates is unclear, though some records indicate that he may have at one point written an autobiography. While little verifiable information is available to the public at this time, most historians are in agreement regarding the notion that nobody cared about EpicFantasyStory.
[edit] Controversy
In June of 2006, reports began to surface that Epic might not actually be dead after he made an appearance on national television alongside Oprah Winfrey. Because Oprah has in the past expressed a profound prejudice for crackers in the post mortem state, it is unlikely that the Epic appearing on television was a mere corpse. Controversy surrounding the issue continues to this day and is expected to be a pivotal issue in the 2008 American presidential election, along with other pressing issues like the deficit and preventing gay marriage.
[edit] Bookography
To date, Epic has not published any literature. However, he reportedly continues to work on a novel entitled The Epic Fantasy Story, a title from which his own name may or may not be derived. Though the release of the novel was once highly anticipated, recent reports that Epic has been dead for over thirty years resulted in a notable decrease in interest. The novel is still expected to do moderately well if released, perhaps even earning a brief but coveted appearance on the New York Times Best Seller list.
The subject of Epic's alleged novel is not totally clear, though details revealed in a press release by Oprah Winfrey indicate that it is a fantasy story with massive humorous and satirical elements. Oprah's press release described it as "something of a cross between The Lord of the Rings and Monty Python and the Holy Grail, only far better than either of those and anything else in existence with the exception of The Epic Fantasy Story." It should be noted that there is no reason whatsoever to verify this statement. Oprah recommended it, so go out and buy the damn book if and when it becomes available.
[edit] Honours
In June of 2003, Epic was designated a Dame of the British Empire by George W. Bush, distinguishing him as the first male to receive the honour. Eyewitnesses have testified that upon being designated as such, Epic turned in his grave, did a cartwheel, and danced an Irish jig. However, the credibility of these witnesses was recently called into question when it was discovered by an independent investigator that they did not actually exist. The discovery ignited a widely publicized scandal that faded from public interest within a matter of minutes.
[edit] Quotes
Epic has never said anything worth quoting.
