Captain Janks

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Thomas Cipriano, better known on The Howard Stern Show as Captain Janks, is notorious for prank calling live radio and television programs, especially in times of crises. Cipriano takes his nickname from the rank and name of his commanding officer in the U.S. Army. He first appeared when Howard began syndicating to Philadelphia, when he would call Stern's competition, local morning man John DeBella. Janks would send in tapes to the Stern show of him telling DeBella that he was bald. Janks is more of a contributor than a Wack Packer.

Funny or not, Janks has been pranking newscasts for over 15 years, yet is still able to get on the air. Janks has explained that he's called newsrooms, given a fake name and position, and provided a call-back number with an illogical area code, but the newsroom still calls him back when they're ready to put him on the air. Sometimes, the programs neglect to ask for a call-back number, a bit of negligence that contributes to Janks' ability to get on the air. (For example, with regards to the incident documented in the transcript below, had the program asked him to provide a call-back number, they might have been suspicious of a Maryland police official having a Pennsylvania area code.)

Cipriano dated the ex-wife of Philadelphia disc jockey John DeBella shortly before her suicide [1]. Cipriano currently works as an attendant at a gasoline station in North Wales, Pennsylvania.

[edit] Famous Prank Calls

• Claiming to be Coast Guard Lt. Ed Gaynor upon the disappearance of John Kennedy Jr.'s plane, fooling MSNBCs Soledad O'Brien, and tricking CBSs Dan Rather, whom he pranked following the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster in 2003. Janks said to O'Brien that Howard Stern "thinks you're a whore" and claimed to Rather that he found the teeth of Stern Show Producer Baba Booey among the wreckage of Columbia.

• Impersonated then Philadelphia mayor Ed Rendell to prank Rosie O'Donnell the day her show debuted in that city: "On behalf of all the citizens of the City of Brotherly Love...Howard Stern says you're a big fat pig!"

• Pranking Dan Rather again by imitating CBS News general assignment reporter Jim Axelrod, who was embedded with the 3rd Infantry Division following the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom -- the report was actually broadcast on a bottom-screen scroll until it was discovered to be a prank and removed.

• During coverage of the 2003 North American blackout, Janks posed as a city worker and asked CNN's Carol Costello "Would you bang Howard Stern?" "Oh my goodness. You know, that's not even funny. It's disgusting. And I don't know why people call television stations like that because it just makes you sound stupid." Costello replied.

• During coverage of a brushfire in San Diego, Janks posed as Mayor Dick Murphy, stating that three people were in custody in connection with the fires and that they were "caused by a blast of wind from Howard Stern's asshole." A displeased Daryn Kagan on CNN said, "It just always amazes me that during this time when people are fighting for their homes and fighting for their lives that somebody associated with Howard Stern chooses to try to get on the air and upset our coverage like that."

• During a news story on Iraq, Janks again called CNN, posing as Brigadier General Mark Hurtland. He asked Kagan, "Would you bang Howard Stern". The transcript on CNN website shows this as "Would you (DELETED) Howard Stern." An annoyed Kagan said, "Once again, trying to bring some serious news, and the Howard Stern people seem to find better things to do with their time."

• During coverage of Hurricane Charley, Janks called CNN posing as Gary Vickers, an official with the Florida State Emergency Center. He said there have been evacuations from Fort Myers all the way to Manatee County. He urged people to evacuate and not wait it out as Charley was a category 4 hurricane and "a blast of wind from Howard Stern's ass." Miles O'Brien calmly said, Oh, boy. All right. Thank you very much. Let's end that call, and we will take a break from our Hurricane Charley coverage."

• During coverage of the Columbine disaster in Littleton, Colorado, Janks called KUSA-TV in Denver and posed as a hospital spokeswoman. Janks said, "So far it is 18 people that are critically injured. We don't know much more past that. We do know one thing; the gunman was Howard Stern. He was shooting up the whole school. It was ridiculous. He was angry because no one was watching his Saturday night television show."

• During coverage of the Shuttle Columbia disaster on February 1st, 2003, Janks fooled CBS's Dan Rather by saying he was a resident of Texas and that he found the teeth of Baba-Booey (Stern Show producer). Rather didn't immediately realize it was a prank call until Janks asked "You know you're an idiot Dan?" At this point, he is cut off.

• Janks called in to ESPN posing as Steve Bartman, the Chicago Cubs fan infamous for the foul ball he caught that possibly cost the Cubs the World Series. Janks asked Dan Patrick "Do you like Howard Stern's butt cheeks?" to which Patrick simply said "We've been had."

• Janks called into Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room on CNN on August 23, 2006, and impersonated Wendy Hutchens, a woman who claims that she chatted about the death of JonBenet Ramsey with a suspect in her murder, John Mark Karr. Blitzer asked, "When did the talk of JonBenet Ramsey begin?" Janks answered: "It started around September of 2001, when he told me that he knew more about the JonBenet Ramsey case than what anybody else had known - and that he was instructed to kill JonBenet by Howard Stern." Blitzer said, "All right. Well, that sounds like we've just been Howard Sterned, as they say." [2]

A transcript of a sample pranked newscast from July 30, 2002 follows. Note how Janks leaves the most offensive part of a sentence to the end, apparently because his calls are normally disconnected within a second or two of the most offensive word.

Gregg Jarrett: (NBC chimes) We continue to follow the breaking news in Kensington, Maryland, ten miles roughly outside Washington, DC; just north. And joining us now on the telephone to talk a bit more about this Amtrak passenger train derailment, Lieutenant George Hyack, of the Kensington Police Department. Uh, Lieutenant, what can you tell us about any injuries or fatalities?

Janks: Well, of the six people who were injured, two were, uh, passed away about 15 minutes ago. They were tea-bagged by Howard Stern.

Gregg Jarrett: Can you tell us the nature of their injuries?

Janks: Yes, they were tea-bagged by Howard Stern, meaning balls on their chin.

Gregg Jarrett: I see. What can you tell us about the others who have been injured?

Janks: I can tell you that they all had Howard Stern's balls on their chin.

Gregg Jarrett: I'm getting reports that there are 60 people, up to 60 people injured, and that are being treated at area hospitals, or are on their way to area hospitals.

Janks: (sounding frustrated) Are you stupid or something?

Gregg Jarrett: Pardon me? ...All right, Lieutenant George Hyack, we seem to have lost him, of the Kensington Police Department.